Your dog is not your therapist. But she is very good at a few things the rest of us keep forgetting. A one-minute list from a Chicago therapist.
Let me say the obvious part first: your dog is not your therapist. I would never tell you otherwise, and anyone who does is selling something. But I have spent a lot of years sitting across from people who are working very hard at feeling better, and I have noticed that the things we struggle to do are often the things a dog does without thinking. So here is a short list. Read it, then go find your dog.
1. Go outside every day.
Your dog does not check the weather and decide today is not a good day for it. She just goes. Ten minutes counts. Daylight on your face and a slow lap around the block do more for a heavy mood than most of us give them credit for, and you do not have to feel like it first. The wanting usually shows up somewhere around the corner.
2. Nap without apologizing.
Rest is not something you earn by finishing the list. Your dog has never once felt guilty about lying down in a patch of sun, and it seems to be going well for her. If you are the kind of person who narrates your own laziness while you rest, try this: lie down, and let that be the whole activity.
3. Greet the people you love like you mean it.
You know the greeting I mean. Connection is a daily practice, not a reserve you draw on in an emergency. Say hello to the people who come home to you like you are glad they came home, because you are, and because it turns out that saying so out loud changes the room.
4. Ask plainly for what you need.
A dog with a ball does not hint. She brings you the ball. Most of us could stand to be a little more direct about what we want and a little less worried about how it lands. Wanting something is not a character flaw, and the people who love you would usually rather know.
5. Shake it off, then actually move on.
After something stressful, a dog shakes out her whole body and goes back to her day. She does not replay it at 2 a.m. You have a version of the shake, too: a long exhale, a stretch, a walk to the end of the street and back. It will not fix everything. It will let your body know the moment has passed, and that is worth more than it sounds.
That is the list. None of it is complicated, and all of it is easier said than done, which is exactly why the dog is winning.
Want the occasional note from me?
I write about the ordinary hard parts of a full life: breakups, new babies, aging parents, burnout, the week where nothing goes right. A few notes a year, nothing more, and you can leave whenever you like.
And if you are looking for a therapist
MARRA is my therapy studio in Chicago. When you reach out, a real person on our team matches you to a therapist based on what you need, and the first conversation is free so we can make sure the match is right. We see people in person at 700 N Green and online anywhere in Illinois, and every therapist is in network with BCBS PPO, Aetna, Cigna and United.
If today is not that day, that is fine too. Go give your dog a scratch from me.
